Category: Chingonas

Chingonas, Encouragement, Iyanla Vanzant, Oprah Winfrey, Wisdom, Yesterday I Cried

Wisdom for the Weekend-Iyanla Vanzant Truisms

Mona Alvarado Frazier


book I own
Ever since I read the book, Yesterday I Cried, I became a fan of Iyanla Vanzant. She has a way of telling it like it is without putting one down, without judgment. 

She uses her experiences, her own brokenness, to show how life’s hardships can be re-envisioned to become lessons that teach us as we learn to heal, grow and love. She is the quintessential Chingona. 

In Sandra Cisneros, “How to be Chingona in 10 easy steps,” these three are fully demonstrated by Iyanla:

  1. What are you using to cover or mask your pain? Address it.
  2. Your only true possessions are your actions.
  3. Seek forgiveness.

For a good while, almost ten years, I hadn’t heard about Iyanla’s new books or seen her on T.V. And then I caught an episode of Oprah and Iyanla together, earlier this year. The discussion centered on their ‘falling out,’ and the beliefs they had operated on, which resulted in a cancelled show. 

So now I understood what happened. Which caused me to seek out Ivanyla’s new show on Oprah’s OWN channel. But life didn’t let me get to her show very easily. My cable provider charges extra for that channel and includes 5 other channels I couldn’t care less for with the package. 

google images/royalty free

Recently, I discovered “On Demand,” on my remote and found I could access “Iyanla-Fix My Life” re-runs. 


I sat up for a few hours watching a couple of episodes and feeling how they resonated with my life. It was emotionally draining. 

The next night I texted my sister and raved about the show before I watched two more episodes. The next day she texted back that she loved the life lessons illustrated on the program. I  know they took the both of us back to painful episodes from our own life. Better still we both felt we had come a long way from that time. 

Iyanla’s books and shows provide plenty of wisdom for growing Chingona’s in training and full fledged Chingona’s (because we never stop learning). So this is the “Wisdom for the Weekend,” my favorite Vanzant quotes:

  1. “Life is about cleaning up the crap and, while you’re doing it, being okay with the fact that you have to do it…. A word of caution. You can’t get caught up in the crap! If you do, you will surely lose sight of the real meaning of life and lose your Self.”
  2. “When you see crazy coming, cross the street,”
  3. “If you don’t have a test, you won’t have a testimony.”
  4. “Words create experiences. Words are things…So when you say ‘I can’t,’ you won’t. When you say ‘I don’t,’ you don’t.”
  5. “Know that if you’re not brave enough to go into love, taking a risk, then what you are doing is bargain shopping.
  6.  “When you honor yourself, every single thing that you do comes from that place…That means when you honor yourself, you protect yourself, you trust yourself, you take care of yourself. And you do things in a way that are going to bring glory to who you are.”
  7. “Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change”
  8. “You are never angry for the reason you think you are. There’s an older hurt under that.”
  9. “There are times when we do not recognize that it is time for us to move forward. When life is ready for us to move and we resist, life will move us by any means necessary. What may feel like a disaster is actually a graduation. Remain open to being guided, supported and protected by the universe.”
  10. “Call a thing a thing.”  

google images/royalty free
Enjoy some solitude and feel the grace this weekend. 

Chingonas, Parenting, Soria versus Oxnard School District, Strong Women, Vote

Why My Mother Still Votes and My Son Won’t

Mona Alvarado Frazier

To be more accurate, the title of this post should read “Why my mother and former mother in law still vote and my son won’t,” but that is too long of a title. 


A couple of weeks ago the deadline to register to vote passed. My nineteen year old didn’t register. I was more than a little miffed. Doesn’t he know that it’s a privilege to vote, is he lazy, doesn’t he care? I waited to ask him these questions until l could ask without biting his head off. 


His reasons: 

My vote doesn’t count…it’s a corrupt system… I don’t believe in either candidate.

I didn’t want to debate each reason. It’s too late for this year. But I couldn’t let this issue go without a few words (okay, more than a few). So this is what I said:
Your 75 and 85-year-old nana’s (grandmothers) vote. Nana Maria, is legally blind and although it takes a couple of days and help to go through the entire ballot, she votes. Nana Catalina is an ongoing presence on Facebook, diligently advocating for Obama. They both feel voting is a privilege and an opportunity. Nana Maria grew up during the depression. She vividly remembers food lines, the attack on Pearl Harbor, air raid drills, segregation, migrant work, marching with Cesar Chavez, and voter registration. Nana Catalina lived through most of the same era’s. In 1968 her husband and other parents sued the school district over its policy of segregation. The case went to the US Supreme Court. They won. Both grandma’s are strong women, bien chingonas.


flickr/common usage
Both of them recognize that other men and women fought for a vote and that fight was not easy. They’ve seen and felt corruption. Yes, some decisions made by certain U.S. Presidents disappointed them but they believed that their vote counted. Your grandfathers, rest their souls, voted, and your parents vote. So what makes you so indifferent? Is it because you have grown up in an era pelted by twenty-four hour news of corruption, violence, and war around the world which has quashed belief in a better world. Is that why you have a “glass is half empty” perspective, or is it that you believe a cause is futile when you don’t get the outcome that you want? Was it my parenting? Your reasons are confusing to me. You believe in protecting the environment, animal rights, and the golden rule. You’re a committed vegan for crying out loud. I don’t know the reason you didn’t register to vote or why only 62% of male young adults your age registered to vote in the 2008 election. Maybe it’s because you haven’t struggled, economically or socially.You haven’t lived in poverty, worked at hard labor, or encountered blatant racism. Are those the reasons? That did get a very slight nod and “maybe,” from you. Perhaps I should have shared this quote with you years ago:

“We don’t need perfect political systems; we need perfect participation.”-Cesar E. Chavez

Your older brother votes and he’s much more cynical than you are-in all honesty. He says teens your age don’t know or take time to know the issues and how they affect your future. I don’t know if that’s true. You know so much more about global warming, GMO’s, and nutrition than I do. You have studied issues before.
Maybe contemporary life has sucked hope from your horizon, maybe you don’t have faith in the voting system-many don’t. I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do. I’m trying to understand your reasons for not registering to vote. I’m trying to have you understand why others do vote. 
 I want you, and the other 48 % of non registered voters your age, to care enough to do something about a system you believe is corrupt or broken. I want you to know the gumption your grandmother’s still have at their age. I want you to care enough to utilize the power of a vote. 

R.Ganzer/Creative Commons Lic.

I don’t know if anything I said this morning changed your mind or not. Bottom line is that by not participating in your right to vote, you will have to live with the consequences of decisions made by others.

I so want you to understand that amid your feelings about the condition of the world and our U.S. society that things can get better.

For your grandmother’s generation, for mine and your own, I want you to have hope. I want you to vote.