Sometimes I hate to turn on the television news. Most of the time I’m going to hear about the violence, pain, and atrocities not only in other countries, but here, in the USA. Two days ago I said enough of the Penn State news. It’s already stirred up more feelings than I’ve felt for years, personal issues I’ve worked through but can be touched off by a saturation of feelings. My heart expanded around the victims of the Penn State scandal and my mind tried to get around how abuse like this continues.
It was in the avoidance of the T.V. news that I perused some blogs and I came across this article which struck me as simple in theory, but profoundly impactful in practice. It is about victims of abuse and the shift one can take in viewing atrocities like this and what we can do to help others.
It is written by Mel Pledger
for Lovefraud Blog (link to entire article).
“Shift happens all the time – and when it does, boy it can knock us off balance can’t it? Some of us have experienced more ‘shift’ than others. Some prolonged ‘shifty’ periods, and some shorter moments where the time may be less but the shift can be much more potent.
We all deal with things in different ways. For many years now, I have believed in the notion that it’s not what happens to us that helps us grow, it’s how we choose to respond that makes the difference. It’s our responsibility; our ability to respond that determines whether or how soon we can find and welcome the gift in any given situation.
Billy Connolly Live In London
This weekend I was luck enough to see Billy Connolly live in London… I bought the ticket because seeing Billy live was on my bucket-list..
It was a wonderful experience. Not just because of his humour, but also because of a very serious message that Billy chose to share with the audience. Alan Yentob, …television producer, was interviewing him on stage, encouraged Billy to talk about his childhood.
It is a well documented but not often discussed story of abandonment, neglect and abuse – physical, sexual and emotional. It’s a story about abject poverty. It’s about survival – and ultimately it’s about the fulfilment of dreams.
Billy stood up at one point, clearly moved by his memories, and reached out to everyone in the theatre.
“You may be surprised to learn” he told us “that there are many more people who have been through abuse than you might care to imagine. I’ll take a bet that if we asked every single member of this audience, the vast majority would understand what I am talking about”…
The theatre went silent – as usual Billy had succeeded in shocking us. This time, though, it was not through his off-the-wall humour. This time it was because of his honesty. It was because of his willingness to share his story, and to reach out to others…
Alan asked how he had possibly managed to overcome such hardships. How he had managed to endure the pain and indignity of his childhood to become a man who brings so much joy to so many people. Billy’s voice cracked a little at this point. He drew himself up taller and spoke to us all again.
“I implore you – all of you – to embrace forgiveness” he explained, emotion clearly etched across his face “It works, it really does! It’s like getting rid of a whole sack full of heavy rocks that had been weighing you down. It’s wonderfully healing you know. It’s a marvellous experience. It frees you. And I recommend it – not just for anybody who has been through difficult times, but for all of us. For every single one of us”…
He said how damaging it can be when the adults then compound their misery by giving the child an unconscious message that they can never get better.
“Oh, the poor child. That’s it, his/her life is now ruined. They’ll never be able to get over that. That person/situation has taken away any chance they had of living a normal life”
“Oh, I feel so sorry for you, you’ll never be able to love again” “I’ll bet you can never trust anyone now” “You must feel so stupid – you’re whole life is messed up!”
Meant with the best of intention, messages like this (particularly to a child) can hold people in a mental prison. There may be no physical walls, but it doesn’t make it any easier to escape from the chains.
“Don’t tell the poor little b*****ds that they’re f*****d!” he cried, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth…
“Tell them that they’ll get through it! Tell them there’s a way! Tell them that this will pass, that there’s always hope, that they’ve got the power within them to make things good! Tell them to dream, to keep hope alive and to feel good about themselves! I did it – so can anybody else!”
When Billy stopped, the applause started…the whole theatre gradually built in to a crescendo of people all clapping their hands and nodding their heads. Once again I had tears rolling down my cheeks – this time because I had been deeply moved…
It’s so true. When we believe we can, we do. When we know we’ll get through, we find a way. When we take one more step even when we think we can’t go any further, then miracles can occur. And when we encourage somebody else? Well, not only does it boost the other person, it gives us something positive at the same time.
So, yes, shift does happen. We all know that, and we all have plenty of it in our past and perhaps in our present as well… So I’d like to finish this I post with a phrase I read today.
“Perhaps there are some areas of your life that could now do with some nurturing and some fertilisation?” it read “Just remember that the manure of your past can help grow a more fruitful future.
And with that last paragraph I took a deep breath and centered myself. This article, these moving words from Billy Connally, this shift, found it’s way to me this morning and for that I’m thankful.