Category: First Twenty Pages

Editors, First Twenty Pages, revisions, self editing

Freelance Editor Comments-Part II

Mona Alvarado Frazier

I hope no one got the idea that I didn’t appreciate Freelance Editor’s comments on my first manuscript (see post below). They were right on. After I digested the information, I made like Edward Scissorhands and did a number on the first MS, working title “A Butterfly Heart.”

Then I took off for a fantastic three day weekend in blazing Palm Springs where I danced my butt off and have the sore feet and cramped calves to prove it. A couple of days ago I came back to reality and my dusty laptop.

There was a second e-mail from FE. Did I give him the first 20 pages to my second MS, “Strong Women Grow Here” ? My memory fails sometimes so I didn’t doubt it. I read the email closer and then I did this:

Hallelujah, he was supremely kind enough to read the first 20 pages of the second MS I submitted. I got it righto this time.

He was “…really quite impressed…the setting/situation–a women’s prison–is breathtakingly strong…You set up the characters quickly and forcefully. You stick to a very cinematic style-the camera is close to Juana, we see and feel and hear what she sees and feels…

The story really sets up and sustains a subtle but powerful ‘what’s going to happen?’ tension. We learn that Juana has been convicted of killing her husband, but it’s way too soon(the story seems to be saying) for us to see exactly what happened…

She’s a deep mystery and the facts are coming out at such a deliberate pace…I’m totally enthralled with this story…”

This is wonderful music to my ears, of course, and I’d like to say more, but can’t sound egotistical. It’s just that writers, especially non-published new ones, rarely hear more than one positive comment from a professional in the business.

FE did mention that I need to watch my run-on sentences and think more carefully about selecting the exact word that nails what I’m trying to describe. But I’m stoked, I’m going to keep revising the first MS until I get it right and then continue on with Juana’s story.

Until then I must return to revising, after I get an ice bag out of the freezer for my wrists.

Editors, First Twenty Pages, Lili Rivera

Comments from Freelance Editor

Mona Alvarado Frazier
Last month my writing group had an opportunity to meet a guest, a freelance editor (FE) with major street cred, at one of our bi-monthly meetings. It was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up and are indebted to our group leader for arranging this meeting. He (that’s one hint) agreed to attend our gathering and to review up to 20 pages of the MS of our choice. And wait, that’s not all, it was FREE, serio and this FE edited one of my favorite author’s books (second hint).

FE sent me his comments on my MS a couple of days ago. It was not fugly, but it weren’t pretty either. The first two paragraphs gave me a smile, a very satisfied one when I read “…enjoyed every page…had a lot of fun reading it. You’ve got a great character going here…tough and gutsy…as a reader I’m happy as a clam to spend many hours in her company…”

But wait, then came the next several paragraphs. It began with “But now I’ll switch to grumpy mode, “twenty pages are hardly enough to judge a novel by, but on the other hand agents and publishers tend to make harsh, snap judgments based on the opening of a novel…it’s a crucial 20 pages……Lili has undeniable qualities…but is she compelling enough?” And then if you were in the room with me, you would have seen my lower lip protrude further and further with each paragraph. I know, what a baby.
First, I was miffed at FE, and then I reread the comments for specifics: “…what makes this not-especially beautiful, fortyish, divorced, put upon mother, still libidinous, Latino housewife…unique, different?” Okay, he had a point there, there are thousands of us Latinas just like that, maybe millions. Valgame Dios, I don’t want to think about it.

And another point… “Is the story a series of things that happen, or is it launching us forward on a trajectory of something big? …if so, we need some foreshadowing.” Good point. “Two adjectives before a noun…the senses…” Hmmmh. I’ll spare you the other five comments, I don’t want to embarrass myself further.

Okay, FE, maybe you’re not so wrong.

I then e-mailed a partner in writing to look over the comments too. She agreed with some of the points. I reread her responses; yes, that was an interesting point. Same point FE made. I got to work and rewrote the first ten pages, tweaking and adding more information.

Tonight I took my comments and shared them with the writing group and two others shared their own with me. And guess what, they agreed with him and we all received the good, the bad, the fugly. Some more, some less. And that’s why we’re in a writing group, I reminded myself.

And I agreed with him too (okay, about 50% of what he said I needed to fix). A suggestion was made to sit with the comments for four days, then go back, and see if I want to rewrite some more. Like the cooling off period or “think about it period” when you buy a product. That made a lot of sense.

Said editor shall remain nameless, at this time. We can’t have a deluge of inquiries until our entire group receives their comments back. I know, selfish, but I claim it.

Luckily, I’m off to Palm Springs for the next three days and will not take the laptop or pages to scribble on. I’m celebrating another birthday that I’m totally blessed to have.

I know my reaction was because I let my ego be shaken up a bit, and that’s okay. Nothing is ever free, but it was a gift. Time to hitch up my big girl chonies and remember that it’s in the getting up, the dusting yourself off, that’s important, even if you take a four day ‘holiday’ to do so.