Most of the time.
When I make a mistake, that hurts someone, I remind myself that I need to make restitution.
Restitution is made by first apologizing, second by listening to the person when he or she explains how they feel, and then making it up to this person with a gesture. This is also the case for when I do some action that hurts myself, like a mistake I made or an opportunity I didn’t use.
It’s easy when there is a ‘good’ result, like when the apology is accepted or I forgive myself and move forward without regret.
But when an apology is not accepted, I have to remind myself-more than once-to let my expectation go, of how I want the other person to respond. Sometimes, I end up not loving me so much. I play that game of blaming myself, or the other person (It’s his/her issue), or excuse my behavior. Problem is that this deception shows up somewhere. Usually it’s in one of the loads we call “baggage.”
There is also a time to disengage. If you acknowledged what you did, apologized and tried to make up for hurting someone, or forgive yourself, then there is little more you can do except practice ‘self-love.’
This topic is beautifully illustrated by the wisdom in this poem by Sabra Bowers. She, like me, started the new year with creating an intention. My word is “Move.” Her word is “Purge.”
After reading her poem it made me think all the stuff we carry with us, consciously or not. Her poem reminded me to go through my ‘baggage,’ throw stuff out, and move forward.
self-love is letting go
of broken promises
promises I’ve made
and ones made to me
promises made with good intention
and ones made with no intention
broken promises are
You can visit Sabra’s blog at Later, Ms. Slater.